Introducing Sex Toys To Your Partner
by Kylyssa Shay

You may be curious about sex toys and other products to
enhance sexual pleasure.  However, you may be concerned
about how your partner or spouse will feel - both about you and
about your individual or mutual use of sex toys.  It's natural for
you to feel this way, after all, you should always take your
partner's feelings into account in when it comes to your shared
sex life.

If you keep a few things in mind when approaching your partner
about the use of sex toys either for solo pleasure or for shared
use you should be able to impart the idea with a minimum of
discomfort for both of you.

Choose your timing wisely.  Find a moment when you are both
relaxed and enjoying each others company.  It would not be a
good idea to start this particular conversation if either of you is
stressed out by other factors, in a bad mood, or tired.  Nor
would it be appropriate to bring up the addition of sex toys to
your lovemaking when you are about to make love or are
currently in the middle of lovemaking.    

Choose your location carefully.  Such conversations should
take place in a private setting.  A neutral location, rather than in
the bedroom would be wise as well.

Involve your partner in the process.  Establish a common
ground and boundaries.  Find out what both of you can agree
to and what one or both of you see as off limits.  Take it slow
and start with something simple like a standard vibrator or
vibrating bullet.  Save the really exotic items for when you are
both comfortable with the idea of using sex toys.  Choose the
sex toy or sex toys or products together.  If the sex toy is to
arrive in the mail, open it together to add to the shared nature
of the experience.

When you use the toy, use some lubricant to make the
experience more pleasurable as lubrication allows the sex toy to
glide along smoothly.

Be prepared to answer fears, concerns, and objections.  The
best way to do this is to be educated about sex play and sex
toys.  Education is a sure key to comfort in this situation.

To that end, here are some myths and facts about sex toys:

Myth:  Only perverts and sluts use sex toys.
Fact:  People of all types and walks of life use sex toys to
explore their bodies and to expand their sex play.

Myth:  Vibrator use will desensitize the genitals, cause harm to
delicate tissues or create numbness in the genitals.
Fact:  Vibrator use does not desensitize or numb the genitals
nor does it harm the delicate tissues of the genitals.

Myth:  Once you've used a vibrator to reach orgasm you will
become addicted to its use and unable to reach orgasm without
Fact:  Vibrators are especially good at inducing pleasurable
sensations including orgasm but they are not addictive.  They
do not preclude pleasurable sex without their use once one has
used them.

Myth:  If a woman has a dildo or vibrator she won't have need
to have sex with a partner anymore.
Fact:  Sex toys do not replace people, they only exist to
enhance pleasure.  A sex toy cannot cuddle, love, or comfort.  A
sex toy cannot provide what a sexual relationship provides.  
Additionally, exploration of their bodies with sex toys can lead
women to more pleasurable sex with partners.

Myth:  Only people who "aren't getting any" use sex toys.
Fact:  Sex toys can be pleasurable for anyone to use.  Many
people use them with a partner to enhance their lovemaking.

Myth:  If a person is in a good relationship he or she should not
want to use sex toys.
Fact:  Sex toys are not relationships they are just tools to use
for pleasure.  Solo use of sex toys or mutual use of sex toys can
enrich a person's sex life making him or her happier and more
open to intimacy.

Myth:  It's embarrassing to buy sex toys and people will find out
about it.
Fact:  There are plenty of easy, discreet ways to buy sex toys.  
The most simple is to buy from an Internet vendor.  Most online
sex toy stores use plain packaging to ship their items and often
even the charges on your credit card statement are not
obviously sex toy related.

If your partner has any other concerns, go ahead and research
them together on the Internet.  As always, great sex requires
open communication and honesty.  As long as you are honest,
sincere, and respectful you should be able to add sex toys to
your repertoire with ease.

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Kylyssa is a freelance
writer and a wanton,
lascivious hedonist.  She
is passionate about
sensuality, and the First
Amendment.  You can
read her
strange and sexy blog at

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